Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your The Answer: Become a professional politician. ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? Carnac was added to AlternativeTo by Gbeworld on Mar 16, 2013 and this page was last updated Oct 20, 2021. all positive negative relevance date. Q: Name the father of Mrs. Olsen's illegitamate baby. A: Baja. doctors. They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. Q: Name a lord, an award and a fraud. Q: What do people always say when Howard Cosell is on? https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California A: Fondue. A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. (Wait for it! One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. A: 60 Minutes. sister's hope chest. share. The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. nowadays. promises. . View all. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. seen them before. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. , The Question: Where do you go for a drive-through facelift? A: Shake-N-Bake. . dickory? A: 2001. Well, as it turns out, Parshas Balak starts off with this wicked king named Balak trying to get this wicked mystic named Bilaam to cast a curse upon the Jewish people. A: "Oh God!" , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. May your mother-in-law not have to be carried to your funeral. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. Q: Where does the line go outside an unemployment office? Carnac the Magnificent. Saint Sophia Cathedral is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the most significant landmarks of Kiev, Ukraine. May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! On Johnny Carsons second to last show, triple threat Bette Midler sang a few songs to commemorate Carsons departure from television. A: Children under 16 not admitted unless accompanied by Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. A: "Sorry bub, no pub." Q: What was dat hippie smoking? CRITIC "When I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder" ARTIST "How I do it?" CRITIC "No; why you do it." You can always tell the English, You can always tell the Dutch, You can always . Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. ED: Certainly worth waiting for CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. seats. . Function: require_once. He dubbed it the "Carnac Saver" and said in a 2009 interview, "I'll go to my grave having to apologize for having invented the Carnac Saver. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone? A: Double hernia. A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? "A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?A: Zippo Marx.Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?A: Touchback.Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.Answer: Sis Boom BahQuestion: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?Name what offence someone should automatically get the death sentence:Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!Ed: Yassir ArafatJohnny: Yassir Arafat(envelope opening)Johnny: What's the sound made when Dolly Parton removes her bra?Johnny: "It was so cold outside"Audience: "How cold was it? We are now officially the living who envy the dead! "Oh, "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? A: "The Dumplings." says? Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. A: The Rock of Gibralter. As Allen acknowledged in his bookThe Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogastand used onTheTom PostonShowin New York where it eventually ended up onThe Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Bob and Steve. A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. I hope it makes you laugh. . The character was introduced in 1964. Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. A: Unleash. How to Curse in Yiddish} by Joe Singer.Some of my favorites: May you sweat in labor a hundred and sixty years, then give birth to anice turle-hedgehog-porcupine. Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. After Carnac said an answer, McMahon would frequently repeat it in a booming voice ostensibly as a help to the audience setting up a sneer, putdown, or some other comic reaction from Carson. a #2 mayonnaise I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. Q: Name three people who like to bomb. juice? Previous. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. B. I forgot aboutyour total recall. 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. "Carnak: Do-whacka-doEd: Do-whacka-doCarnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?Carnak: Dippity-doEd: Dippity-doCarnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?A. There are a couple of ideas I've had to make this and I'm not sure which one would work best - and possibly there are other . Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Houses of Prayer and Study, however, are with us always. May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Another ancient Biblical curse that seems to have reverted back to normal is Noahs curse of his son Ham that his descendants (who lived in Africa) shall be slaves to the descendants of Shem and Japheth (who lived in Europe and Asia) - see Genesis 9:25 as slavery in the modern area has been virtually abolished, and even racial discrimination has been greatly diminished thanks to the Civil Rights movement. The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. Welcome once again, O Great Sage. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? Click image to enlarge. Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. . The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. The Answer: DOJ-CIA-NSA-IRS-AOC-FBI-BIDEN. A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . Johnny Carson Carnak The Magnificent One Liners, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Justin Bieber, & Dick Cheney Form Secret Super He-Man Poker Club, A List of 10 Little Known Facts About David Letterman, ABC Sends "Charlie's Angels" To That Big Cancelled TV Show Studio In The Sky, Joan Rivers on the 'Tonight Show': "I still got a chance! tooth? (You should die young enough for her to walk there under her own steam.). (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? CARNAC: May a weird holy man drop a cactus down your I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. Question Man". Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. A: Roots. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? A: A thousand clowns. Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? Q: What do you call not getting busted? ", Conan O'Brien's Forehead Takes Over for Jay Leno's Chin. his neck? A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. Hand made. -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. The Question: Name a childrens nursery rhyme to be screamed every time Hillary Clinton opens her mouth. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php NO ONE! Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man yell when he hears flushing? Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. The Question: What is Pete Buttigiegs favorite planet? contest. I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. The answer was always an outrageous pun. If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . A: Madame Kitty. Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales? Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest A: Fun with Dick and Jane. A: Quarter Pounder. A: "Follow the yellow brick road." , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. stardew valley weapon tier list; mississippi state treasurer While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. . My favorite Carnac(sp?) The Question: Name 8 things that will soften your brain. The Answer: Big Ben, Dak Prescott, and a politicians campaign promises. CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only (Crowd cheers) #10. May your only daughter take up with a yak of another. The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. "Carnac" examples: "Billy Graham, Virginia Graham, and Lester Maddox" . A: Around the world in 80 days. CARNAC: May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. The book is {\it May You! A: Cyclone. A: At both ends. A: Planter's Punch. ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? Get Image May your prize bull hate cows. A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. He would then answer the question sealed inside the envelope. ", -- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Rudy Rumohr Jr. 3339 N. Charles St Apartment 1-ALUUCP: ihnp4!whuxcc!jhunix!ins_armr -or- Baltimore, MD 21218 seismo!umcp-cs!jhunix!ins_armr -or- allegra!hopkins!jhunix!ins_armrARPANET: ins_armr%jhunix@wiscvm.ARPA. Page, Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page. , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal Q. The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the . Q: Name one guy who's rich after April 15th. Make a meme Make a gif Make a chart The Magical Thinking of Trump. The Question: What instructions do you get when your proctologist used to be a photographer? This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop.

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