If you're trying to get your self-confidence and self-esteem levels up after years of living with critical parents, here are some steps you can follow. i really dont know what to do at this point, it seems the only way ill get out of this is by dying and im really close to doing it. People help themselves. But this psychologist stayed long enough for me to explain what I felt was important. My mother never was used to hugs or praising. now i am grown i wonder how can you do that to someone you love talkless your own Child - The Other Day my own father asked me WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE , Talking about my first girlfriend and how i failed - What do you think you have achieved !! Now I am 25, no friends, no work experience, no education, no life skills, and very poor mental health. They've ruined most of my life & crushed my self-esteem. You feel that whatever your sibling does for good or bad, you feel somehow that you are responsible for your sibling's actions when such isn't necessarily the case. Just because a child does not have the same characteristics as their parents does not mean they are a failure that needs correcting. I have some gear so ill start practicing without rest. An extremely conscientious A student of average ability may have to study all night to obtain those A's while a C student of above-average ability may be bored with school and have a more relaxed attitude towards their studies. 1 Evelyn Krasnik Upvoted by Quora User Question: My parents are forcing me to attend school in my country when I know its not going to work out for me. I'm super curious and I just want to know the why but then I am always talking back. My heart rips itself apart going through the thought. over a year ago. i m 53 it took me so much time to understand why i m so nice to people why i lack self confidence why i maried a manipulator why i was never happy my mom was a narcissic manipulator and my father was always manipulated by her . what a life ! She had to work, even as a young child, for the most basic things - a uniform and and stationery - so she could attend school. She was independent at 14, working during the day and attending school at night, and had to fight for every opportunity to get ahead in life, which she did. They want their kids to be perfect because perfection = success. But remember that they care about your education because they care about you and your future. my mom does all this to me. and it lowers my self-esteem. and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to . i would really appreciate the feedback and the suggestions of what i should do Etc.. umm, here's what i did, im old though and idk if you can still get away with this. I already knew about my low self-esteem because of my family. "She's rude, and who does she think she is thinking she can talk back to us like that. At some camp I started telling jokes one afternoon and I drew people in for hours. I saw through it at an early age as be never had our backs or supported us emotionally or mentally .., sad. Take care~, About 80% kids face these problems in India. Answer: No, but I suggest that you obtain psychiatric counselling and disassociate yourself from your father. My whole family hurt my self-esteem by using me as a work-horse. "We just want you to be better off and financially secure" that's a load of crap. But why, would I ever intentally harm anyone or anything? A good strategy is to encourage children to develop their own personalities and voice. What if that way was to change your own attitude and approach? I have never even had a girlfriend not that I'm ugly but timid I lack social skills to approach a lady. I'm lucky to have her. You contact their professors, because you didn't like a grade/want to ask for clarification on an assignment/want to ask for an absence to be excused/want to ask for an extension on an assignment due date. I thought they were going to kill me. Many parents view their children as THEIR possessions, even trophies. While physical appearance is important, it isn't important as to what is internal. She essentially tells me I'm wasting my time and money by pursuing anything musical. Many parents fail to realize this. (I am seventy-four.). He started me up on sleeping pills that made the night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me. And with the rules I don't mind following the rules no matter how stupid I think they are but they NEVER let me ask why. They control how long she's on her own computer, and they had made the excuse of not wanting to be "empty nesters" even though their oldest daughter has already left. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 20, 2018: Are you the oldest of a large/very large family? Second therapist is known locally for being pretty good. somebody on the internet on July 04, 2018: I'm glad I'm not the only person who's going through this. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. Are good grades more important than being nice? The scouts and cadets did instill survival instincts into me and in the moments I was free when I was younger you would just see me sprinting bare foot through the forest like some Scrawny tiny white tarzan. It is FREE! Father of five-month-old who drinks and smokes excessively makes no effort to parent. Smothering your child will lead to resentment later in life, and it is not a healthy way to raise children. Again, parents need to check their egos and loosen up a bit. All my mom has ever done is try to help. View complete answer on consumeraffairs.com Your father wants you to be subordinate to him in order to elevate his low self-esteem. Learning isn't just about getting good grades. It's sad that for a while I liked about where I worked and what I made. You should first discuss this matter to your father; however, if he isn't receptive, discuss the matter w/a trusted relative or better yet, a counselor. She remembers everything I ever did in my life that she didn't like and throws it back at me. Struggling to cope with things beforehand were fine to me. These parents maintain that they should never have to praise their offspring for things such as having good behavior, doing chores without being asked, or earning good grades. If anyone actually read this please just tell me what to do. my father did & still does ALL OF THESE . they make me work for all the free time that i have then get mad when i stay up at night because it's the only time i have to actually relax. Each child is unique. They don't realize that children need positive reinforcement. Not just kids but teachers and teacher assistants too. Obsessed With Fandoms on August 27, 2018: Well this explains a lot. kindergarten girlfriends. There are some parents who believe that their word is law and etched in stone, and that might equals right. Parents should encourage their children to think outside the box and be creative. Answer: Your father is an abusive parent. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. Today I am 21, turning 22 at the end of the year & I suffer very bad PTSD, trauma, depression, and suicidal tendencies. Please talk to a trusted relative. Sleep Deprivation, Behavior, And Academic Performance, I Caught my Child Smoking Marijuana (Pot) Again, Caring For Elderly Parents At Home: How To Cope. "Actually, it's the parents," she confessed with a wince. The problem is that this approach doesn't turn your children into lifelong learners. So she never gave it to me. If I protested, they would tell me I am lazy and useless and that this was the "small" price I had to pay for being taken care of. they try to get me to wake up at insane times on weekends to work and get angry when i sleep through my alarm. They plan their children's lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond. They're gonna be more successful than me. Im 16 and i have an incredibly stressful life 6am - 10 or 12pm everyday. How can I explain them that we are modern teenagers that want to have fun! Don't praise them for every little thing they do right, but develop a pattern of praise based on their accomplishments. I am happy with where I am at. Direct a movie and we'll give you an iconic film to binge this weekend. She always calls me worthless and useless and occasionally she even hits me. Please see a counsellor & DISASSOCIATE yourself from your "family." I have a "problem" i always get stressed in exams so i sometimes read questions in the wrong way, which leads to me getting low grades even though im good in that subject. Not to also mention here that the phrase "they know about everything" including about me. Having said that this type of upbringing not only affected on me but on my siblings as well, it resulted in us constantly questioning our own capability. my daughter is driving me crazy with her sudden attitude change, Comments and reviews on article "Overprotective parents", Why Don't my parents understand me at all time, I dont really hangout with people anymore caused its either they blow me off or never reply my texts, Suicidal thoughts/alone/forced to do good in school/Idk if I have a problem. Like the indent of my life on the footprint on the earth.. Now it's me and my sister. This man & his family are toxic. I'd keep trying until I die. My parents are all of these, which caused me to be suicidal since I was literally a child (I started thinking about it when I turned 8 I think). Preach a positive mental approach to dealing with failures and mistakes. Mark mentioned one of the most important things to remember when you're . His friends would be out in the yard drinking beer with him I knew I should not be in earshot cuz that's man talk not for a lil girls ears so I was to be with my mother wherever she went and I was emotionally neglected. I believe I have come to the point of not feeling like I belong and dare I say hopeless, somehow I find consolation that others have gone through this too, I wish you all the best and we will make it out of this time together! A PROFESSIONAL Voice Actor will reco. If I ever have children,I would never treat them the way my mother treats me.So, one day My moms phone buzzes.My mom is busy,so I look.And Im scrolling and I see that my mom and sister are having a conversation back and forth.And I read a text message thats my mom wrote that said,I never said she was perfect,but she isnt a smart ass.It Hurted me so bad And when I read that.It felt like I got hit by a car,and felt as if I was punched in the stomach.My self esteem went down so quick.No kid should ever feel that way like their not smart,or good enough.For all those parents reading this or people who plan on being parents,dont ever treat your children child like that.You May think,its nothing,but the pain and rejection stings so bad.And you may forget all about it.But the child will remember it forever.Its a scar that will never heal. I then became a parent while my mom went out partying and drinking. Not being in your child's life can greatly impact there self-esteem and self worth, it can make them feel like they're not worth anything, even your time. They just might be unaware of what is going on with you. My mom he found in Mazatlan Mex and brought her here.) Their overprotectiveness affects me in all areas of my life I can't associate with ppl, I can't make friend even in the choir, ppl say I'm rude and lack manners but I don't understand hw. Question: After not being able to date and having your critical narcissistic mother and kind/go-along father force your career, marrying a violent man, would you say my problems stem from low self-esteem? (I am also more fair skinned than anyone in the family but I look just like my dad who is the one I get my fairness from, mind you. I'm so depressed right now. No counselor/psychologist. It's so frustrating and demoralizing. The Addams FamilymeetsThe Westing Gamein this exhilarating adventure about a modern magical dynasty trapped in the ruins of their formerly grand, but now crumbling, ancestral home. Mom keeps restricting me, nagging me if she doesn't satisfied with everything I did. Discover short videos related to parent only care about grades on TikTok. It is extremely saddening that parents always think that they are doing the right things from 1-10 and are ignorant of the psychological effects that will forever imprint on the child future and well being. Sick of It. Those whose characteristics are different from the parents' are viewed as a threat to the familial, social order. Do they want to live through you-you have to live YOUR OWN life, not THEIRS. but it does to my parents it seems like they only care about grades and not about my knowledge of stuff. Poor city, doctors flee from here. So when I was growing up I never felt like I belonged. that "I'm grown up now and can start being your own person." I should be homeless, rather dead because I wouldn't pan handle I'd just wander off in the woods. I did an IQ test at 17, and was told my IQ was 158. Correction and discipline are not meant to demoralize children and to make them feel less than what they are. I never had much mentors in my life, my parents weren't much of the type to look up to. i want to be the wide reciever at school.mom says that i will never make it cause i knoe nothing about football. I spend my entire time doing homework and sometimes i have so much that i just simply forget some pieces. Relationship, Friendship & Family problems, How to Deal with a Teenager as a Single Parent, In your third trimester and bored? You should either discuss this matter w/a trusted relative. Children are still developing and they require a lot of positive attention and care, comparing them to others is not the correct way to go about it. The worst thing parents can do is to OVERPROTECT & INFANTILIZE children. We want to hear from you! Might it help if you got a math tutor? Most parents, unfortunately, have this mindset. After the third meeting I was taken off all meds and off they went to wherever they go. If they do not receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve what they might have. At least that what my family says. You have went through so much psychological angst. Parents refuse to acknowledge how insidious comparing children are for many children are emotionally, psychologically, & even psychically damaged by comparing them to other children. It is only a few evolved, enlightened parents who view & treat their children as individuals. Question: Why do my parents get mad at me for being sad, grumpy, or having a mental breakdown when they are the reason for my mental pain? What should I do to improve my relationship with my mother? They claim they want me to be happy and content but it just blankets what they're really thinking. Answer: Your family situation is toxic. they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! By Erin Clements. Contact the suicide hotline & call a counsellor & get counselling. They often have insanely unrealistic expectations that their offspring must be as perfect and blemish-free as possible. But what if there was a better way to inspire change in your kids? Her mother never gave that to her. Emotional & Mental Health Emotional & Stress Management Relationship, Friendship & Family problems My parents never understand me! Your performance in school is measured in an identifiable way (your grades) and see what needs to be improved or what you are strong at. What do I do? My mam blamed them for making me not study (even though I was) and she often didnt allow me to leave the house. In fact insecure people are the worst to have around. Discuss her concerns w/her. quick info, i am autistic and i cannot work under pressure. There are parents who do not believe in praising because they believe that it softens and spoils kids and will make them conceited and think too highly of themselves. However, it does quite the opposite, and many such children feel worthless. It didn't work - I am in my 40s and she still tells me I am too weak and a disappointment - but it was her way of showing us love and, besides it is a fair criticism so I don't take offence. The hazing at Scouts, Cadets from other kids, bizarre and inhumane. But for this a guiding hand makes a huge impact. How to Make Life Easier for you and your Kids. I'm just about to turn 35, I have no wife and I have no children. Of course in the darkest moments, you think of hurting others. Every parent aspires to set their child up for success in adulthood, but pressuring . All three of us are crippled to think on our own and in deep resentment and depression. Focus on building your child up and preaching positivity. Which is true because my sister is a great person who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to brag about. It is hard to excel in school when you feel pressure on all sides. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I believe in you and I don't even know you! Until my spirit was broken, I had a few good kicks as a kid. It is best for you to disassociate from him & his family. Part of the gym is a mental component, I don't think I'd be able to do this any other way. They care about your grades because they want a good future for you. i also developed social anxiety where id think certain people will be as bad as my mother. Thanks. Often, the comparison does the opposite. Published: Jan. 18, 2023, 4: . My meds have stabilized my mood. I had two older Bros, the middle one yr older than me the oldest, 5 yrs older. An hour is a pretty short time. I know where I've come from, what I've endured and experienced, and I've let others know about my life experience too; so if I go, people at least will know. You don't need such people in your life. I too had only my dog (& my grandma 4,000 miles away) who loved me.My "dad" was narcissist; and mentally, emotionally, & psychologically abusive.My "mom" was physically anusive to me. I don't know what's wrong with me. but whenever i talk to them about these thoughts, they insist it's because i havent eaten properly. Parents Parents value grades over kindness, kids say in new study When your kid gets straight As, it's cause for a celebratory dinner out. Being an overbearing parent leads to pushback from the child and is not worth it in the long run. Continue to seek self-improvement and one day we can pass through this. Takedown request | View complete answer on hassaanhamid.medium.com POSTED IN School, grades, problems with my parents, my parents are way-strict. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. In these parents' purview, their children are incapable of doing anything for themselves. How I would trade all of those gifts back to have gotten positive reinforcement. Question: Do overprotective parents bring honesty or a lack of confidence in their children? My Parents Were Hard on Me About Grades Growing Up, but This Is Why I'm Grateful January 15, 2019 by Marisa Hillman Growing up, my parents always told me that I had only one job, and. "He just kept saying over and over: 'In our family, that's not acceptable.' I didn't know what to say to him. Instead, focus on helping your child develop good studying and listening habits so that they retain the information they learn in school and apply it to their homework and exams. Adults are just perverts to kids. I joined the choir thinking it will help me boost my confidence but I've bn in the choir getting to a year hving never sang and I feel depressed and useless because I want to pursue music as a career but hw can I be a shy musician? and im scared to confront. But it's not enough for them!!! Please, help me. She makes sure that I get the education that I will need in the future. But it's my calling in life and I'm very good at it. Went to Mazatlan every summer for about 1 month at least everyone of those 18 yrs. 1 Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 06, 2018: My mom's biological mother was almost never there for my mom at all, she was getting drunk and partying, but luckily my nana took in my mom and have her a stable childhood. This is wrong as each child is unique. . There are either low cost or free counselling services. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 08, 2018: Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 04, 2018: Get counselling or talk to a trusted relative outside of your immediate family. Why the hell would I ever want to do this to someone else, over two decades later it can still make me sick to my stomach recalling what she did to me. I know my parents love me and they are trying to provide me with the best life they can but they are so controlling. My mother has always treated me as an idiot. They do not view their kids as thinking, independent, autonomous individuals in their own right but instead as automatons and pieces of property that they can dictate and program at will. She went and sulked on me for days. Answer: Discuss the matter thoroughly with your parents. Well, some individuals have goals and aspirations which are dramatically different and rare. Don't accidentally tear down your children's confidence. I'm just frustrated. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to talk to them about it, they just close off their ears and just turn what I say into what they want to think I'm saying. Childhood is a time to freely explore, try on different personas, and fall on your face. Answer: Your father would be classified as an overprotective parent. I have a stored temperdue to being suppressed and snubbed from even showing negative irritation, get blamed for everything they do or that is not of their limited paradigms, heavily criticized for not wearing what clothes they got me (out of "love") or for keeping even a 2 day stubble. I was 15 loosing hair to stress. 2 Andrew Weill three grown children at least Author has 24.8K answers and 188.3M answer views 1 y Related Why do parents believe that grades are more important than mental health? she shuts out my emotions. Treated me very well and gave me lots. They want to give you a better future than they have. So fuck it, lol. My mother's anxiety about my having a family by now, bled the life out of what could have been exciting and formative 20s. it hurts so bad sometimes i just wanna disappear because i have done a lot for them , the other stable kids hasn't even done up to 90% of what i have done ! 10 checks for me and now I felt really empty. At-home entertainment ideas for women about to give birth, Educate your teenager about internet safety, Top ten questions for your doctor or midwife, Prenatal care - talking to your OB about pregnancy symptoms. Like there was really no real reason to do anything. The violence at home had gotten so extreme I'd vomit before class so my stomach would be in less knots. Doing this will allow the child to develop competence and a positive sense of self. Never have I felt that my happiness was any of their concern. It's also about enjoying the process. really, a lot of things are wrong with me because of my parents. One thing for sure, Determination and Perseverance never fail you! i also struggle heavily with deadlines and stress. Conversely, many parents of C students believe that their kids are less than apt and intelligent, telling them to aspire lower as they are not ever going to be successful. every single conversation turns into grades somehow, and that isn't even an exaggeration. If you want to get notified by every reply to your post, please register. I thought it was pretty darn cute and, to be honest, I was . After that, I would be placed in the closet for who knows how long. And all through that time, my parents and other family members tied to Grandma all thought I was taking advantage of her. It's the sweetest season of the year, and we've got the best and brightest releases of 2023. Watch popular content from the following creators: Mxc(@ventmxc), h mama(@tzomama), 11/08/21(@lostwithmarshy), ewww(@skinkycaca), my name is lani(@secretaccountt140), miles buchart(@milesnueman), DONT CALL ME CUTE I BEG U(@albedo_realwife), dump(@potatongina_00), Idk 2.0(@user266279192), cosmic (@if.ur.sad . Why? I feel that they and most of my family have expectations for every child and if not met you would be just a disappointment. I bombed the second time around, nerves. You shouldn't have to endure such abuse from your mother & sister. Truth. Crazily (or not), research shows that some of the best change happens in kids when their parents work more on themselves.

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