I dont hate my ex (most of the time), but we broke up. I can see them inviting him for like dinner or an outing unrelated to you,but not for family affairs such as holidays or any other occasion where you are attending simply out of respect & consideration for you. Meet Cordae, How I Saved Grocery Money By Dating (Yes, Really). It hurts me and Im so tired of wasting tears and time. Hes never done that before. He talks about her just enough to indicate he . So thank you. So, if you and your ex are okay with the way things worked out, even after a breakup, then its more likely that youll be able to befriend each others families." There are stories, you can find them online, where couples do manage this and the kids are much better adjusted and its a win/win. I feel for you because my ex tried to destroy me in every way possible when we split 7 years ago. I cant imagine inviting an ex to my bday party. I am so insulted by this I could spit! My Stepmum gave up a baby and when they reconnected when he didnt behave how she wanted him to she kind of gave up on him. In the meantime, I raised two kids without much support from my ex and virtually none (emotionally) from my siblings. I feel sorry for your unfortunate children and any other unfortunate soul that gets close enough to have their positive emotional vibrational frequencies out of people. I pray that all goes well. Your very angry and rude reply suggests you have some issues of your own. My son keeps a very distant, casual relationship with him but has no respect for him now that he is older and sees him for what he is. He left. He says that he doesn't have any feeling about her or her pictures but these photos have to be saved because they are his memories and remind him of his past. I understand how you feel. Where is his family? The ex and I are publicly cordial. I totally understand where you are coming from! When a person finds someone they connect with, it shouldnt be taken lightly, or disposed of due to another persons unwillingness to turn the other cheek. Shes claiming to do it to be a good christian. My kids are now 17 and 19 and I support them 100% (less the $100 a week he is court ordered to give) including their college education, their home, transportation and clothes on their back. 2ndly..NO your not being un reasonable at all!! She even helped him buy drugs with my money. They invite him to holidays, birthday parties, vacation homes. Being that we live in an age where relationship milestones are categorized by Facebook updates, social media outlets have become more of an emotional rollercoaster when dealing with an already hurtful situation. "acceptedAnswer": { The ex family does not request friends with my siblings but my siblings request to be friends with my ex family. Youre right to feel what youre feeling. He should only come round if you feel comfortable with it- and you dont feel comfortable. He agreed, but still, would fly her and my daughter down to his place for the weekend. Personally, I think when you have had direct experience with someone with a diagnosed disorder that you are less likely to toss about these terms so recklessly. Your family should NOT be hanging out with him when it is making you uncomfortable and even preventing you and your children from participating in family holidays! Get it together, it has nothing to do with hate or maturity. Launched simultaneously withDivorce Magazinein 1996, DivorceMagazine.com was one of the first magazine websites in the world. check out, "13 Ways You Know He's Loyal and Loving You" Lets all move on. The other thing I didnt see any of you mention, is that the OP is in need of some serious counseling. I get that he is her husbands brother but she embraces his girlfriends when they come to her house. That what that kinda sounds like. And they have ceased contact. My dad took off then and got remarried, moved 2 states away and kind of dropped out of my life to a degree. I hope that survivors of demons such as yourself read this and allow me to break that same box you put people in (probably people closest to you) open with my bare hands. Familys behaviour is presumed to be normal until you realise it really isnt and that although you may feel emotionally trapped you feel that way because you have been conditioned to feel that way and you do have a choice to break free and live life on your own terms. Its so inappropriate. I NEVER ever thought I would be giving up the family traditions and relationships I had worked to build and nurture. Dani I really feel for you. If it was mutual, your fault, his fault. Now that we are divorced he goes to her house to visit. He said its normal because of his son thats why he need to communicate.. Id love to leave a comment but afraid someone I know might find it. What Went Wrong? Ps. Lmao but I know that God isnt no one and Ive got him if no one else and that my ex is working for the devil to destroy Christians and have them turn from God. Everyone always thought my dad was a humble and caring man. I am not saying much in response to this out of respect for my parents. I just want to move far away and then I have a reason I dont have to explain to kids who dont get to grow with my family. My ex-wife and I were married for 12 years and had no children together. It never gets easier. Deal with it, they are happy and you should to. I dont know how old they are, but, i have found, if old enough, you can tell them that it hurts you- then they will not think it is anger and maybe understand better. I just have to research and find the information to support it. Youre too jealous and resentful to let your children have a decent relationship with their own goddamn father. Am I wrong? So when I married my ex, 17 years ago he would come with on those occasions. My family is his family now. His ex-wife is best friends with some family members, who, out of loyalty, cannot fully embrace me. Do/did you ever spend time with them outside of hollydays. Sorry to be rude but thats a ridiculous reply. Usually a good relationship with the family is a reason to stay so if she got out anyway then she doesn't want to go back. Are you going to make your children choose sides are you going to really be the one who already decided to tear your family apart but to make each of them choose a side. She is best friends with my ex, and she fully supports her like SHE is her family and Im the outsider. Tell your boyfriend that his meeting or talking to his ex-girlfriend makes you jealous, uncomfortable, or anxious. You deserve better. Do I just give in and be miserable or choose to be happy and not go to family functions? I kept all the unhappiness and hurt inside, never told my family what was actually going on in my marriage and devoted my life to my kids and their happiness, nothing for myself. Reply to Chris Chris. Seems like the author is the problem in this situation. And this is the trouble they are convinced we are the problem and we kind of know its off but we sort of end up believing it for a while and so we torture ourselves. My two kids and I celebrate holidays with our friends. Sometimes you cant leave for many reasons. She gives him outrageous gifts. 2. During the 2nd week he started shacking with a woman he met at a club in my Mothers rental. My two surviving children encouraged me to divorce their father. It's not something he'll necessarily do consciously and he'll always have an excuse for it: "She was in a bad place, she needed me". Your boyfriend still has photographs of his ex-girlfriend on his phone and still clings to things that was gifted to him by her when they were in a relationship. If not, there should be no renewed friendship.. From my similar experience, it can give your children mixed signals too. In the past he was there unbeknownst to me. If you respond yes, did you need restraining orders? because if you choose him we have to say our goodbyes its tough love. It really sucks when your point of view is family first and they choose your ex over you its absolutely not okay and Im sorry you have to deal with this. I was made to feel unsupported and unwelcome. I dont get it and I dont think you are being unreasonable at all. Im healing and in total rehabilitation of a very narcissist family . I told him to take me to her and lets all talk he said no. You should not have to put up with this and they dont deserve you in their lives. He kept the house. And yes, he probably loves her, too. This is child abuse if you ask me. This is weird. The only way I got through that horrible time was to hope that they would one day come to their senses and realize that blood is thicker than water He has held resentment against her for telling the judge she wants to stay with me. Not cool. If you didn't know about the manipulative mom and the messy ex going in, when you saw what was up, why did you keep signing up for it? Like I didnt choose the life of divorce. Im sorry for what youre going through, youre not alone. If he were living here, I would not be spending time with them the way I do now, simply because hed be here and wouldnt want to see me. We had Christmas morning at my step-daughters and my daughter brought my ex over there as well. The moment the decided to get marry. She will volunteer it. Most people are not saying you shouldnt let the children see the other side of the family at all. "There should be commonalities that you hold an interest in," Masini says. You are not alone, Stephanie. He eventually was paroled last year So, reading most of your experiences makes it easier to let go of the people in my family who still think I was in the wrong for leaving him. The first half hour of any social interaction is her re-hashing bad blood, ancient slights, etc. he got a new girlfriend I was very happy for him. I wanted to keep everything private, and instead he told all of my friends and family what a horrible person I was. Or worse yet, beats them? There is a difference. Still Hanging Out With Her Ex's Family. Because in reality its their mental illness not me . "@type": "Answer", Be as honest as you can bear. And I grieve the loss of my nieces He has broken up with me so many times, and I beg for him to forgive me for the things I never do. I shouldnt have to feel that way in order to spend time with my family, and I dont think my kids should have to see me like that either. so close that she was in the recieving line at the funeral and was hugging all of my bf's distant relatives that i had not yet met. Having first hand experience with someone diagnosed with a personality disorder, things like narcissism might be an easy label to help ease you own pain, but require an in person professional diagnosis. }, March 26, 2016 531 Comments Categories: Children's and Parenting Issues after Divorce, Coping with Divorce, Inspirational Stories and AdviceTags: Children and Divorce, Co-Parenting after Divorce, Coping with Divorce, Divorce Recovery. Like this article? i had same issue with my abusive ex. He abused me, she saw marks he left, so to hell with her. Im still hurt he married a woman after 2 months together and they are having kids and hes not the active father i would like him to be. Personal I think youre being selfish. There is absolutely no explanation for their actions, they cannot use its for the kids because its not what is best for my kids. When its over, its over for them. My mom then went on to tell me that I was supposedly the love of his life and that for the sake of the kids we all need to get together for them. You're in a tough spot. WOW, you are one angry person! At the end of the day YOUR family should be there for you and his family there for him! No one should have to choose sides, some situations may be uncomfortable but at the end of the day they are a result of choices we make, and at some point you were happy with that choice. It wasnt long and he remarried. I cant love my mom lime I wanted cause after everything my ex did to me I was the one who needed to be put in a hospital to get help, Im still here without any family and my ex has everything. Tell your boyfriend that you're tired of being made to feel awkward when you are trying to spend time with him and support him, and that he has to force his mother's hand by not showing up to family events where the ex is present. These cheaters are more than home-wreckers, they are extended-family homewreckers. But to me, your 5 children are the most important. think they would ever believe there was a completely different side to him. I havent went to my daughters bday parties that my ex and my mom throw together because my ex hates me. Or perhaps envy is involved. Ive never had a problem before until she doughty the house next door. They all carve pumpkins (Halloween) and build gingerbread houses (Christmas) together, etc. Most of his family spoke poorly of her during their time together and it seems to really be one aunt in particular who invited her to all the family functions. My sister did HIM wrong, by cheating with multiple partners. He then asked to keep most of my possessions and everything we purchased together. I left under police protection because I knew I wasnt safe. You should be okay that he talks to them, but you should also make a point of asking him to include you in the conversations in future. Prayers for you. My ex has married twice since we divorced and just got a facebook account. Oh and once you understand the dynamics of it all which can take several years to process that is the part where you do learn to accept and move on. In fact, when they are WITH, for example, the father, he can let them see his side of his family as much as he wants. They also work together and they have lunch together too. This is all for the benefit of the kids. ", This your X continuing to control and manipulate you in any way that he possibly can! Need help with your relationship? Just try to be the best girlfriend you could possibly be. When he went on vacation to France, he referred to a woman named Peggy, he told me that he is no longer interested in our marriage. I dont know how to deal with it, but Id like to get it sorted as were relocating soon and I dont want to take all this bad feeling with us. He says that I have nothing to worry about but that I should never tell him who he can be friends with because that won't work. She used to get so mad shed send her family angry texts which just made things worse. I dont think youre being unreasonable. I think you have to do what is right for you. Hes in it for the gain of what my mother will leave him. If I hadnt kept close with my Ex-son-in-law, my grandson would be a distant memory. I relented to a 15 year old, because I figured it was a losing battle. I got back together with my family for a few years, but it was very strained. divorced so I know. email us your dilemma at hello@thegirlsbathroom.com follow us on instagram @thegirlsbathroomshop the girls bathroom here : http. Im just so sick about it. It will help people to make the right decision. My brother did the same thing to me. You love him. When his ex-girlfriend calls him, however, he has to take the call in another room or go outside for a walk. I have to push back a little. How Often And When Do They Communicate? I care for him and didnt want him to be alone, yet I was the one completely isolated in a new place with no support, but I left so that was my decision I thought. I wouldnt have dreamed of honing in on my exes family. Thats a worse gift than a chia pet or a crochet toilet paper cover. In my opinion, them staying close to him condones what he did and how he treated you! I got ahold of her she tells me one thing and he sticks to the same little story that he was giving her closure because she wouldnt stop calling. All are grown adults, respect each others opinion to disagree. You could draw the line and tell your boyfriend that you're not going to events as long as his ex is there. I realised then he was probably a sociopath. It helps to know I am not the only one who has gone through and goes though this nonsense still. Youre only hurting your kids, your emotions are not facts, I hope this narcissistic injury hurts, and you owe your ex more money than you could ever afford because youre probably too scared to break a nail or get a job. I cut contact with them after a few months which broke my heart but it was just so wrong what they were doing. Dislike! I commend these amazing people, they truly are amazing parents. We thought it was a given that her sister and family would be there from day one to support and love her and the children through this. I very much expected my family (if not my friends) to support my decision and back my play. I dont think so Im going through a similar situation Im recently divorced I dont have any family but a sister-in-law and a nice lost my brother recently today I was talking to the ex about things about my child and he knew I was having dinner he wanted to come over and I said nothing I was shocked so I texted him back and said theres no way I would have you over for dinner I just cannot do that he called me back not only did he say Im going to have to get over it that hes coming to my nieces wedding I had no idea no one asked me I thought to myself how disrespectful my one and only niece I feel like I was stabbed in the back and my sister-in-law was telling me off I mean every time his family has a function nobody invited me for graduations it really hurt but theyre trying to tell me to be the bigger person Im not going to get a prize for this and he is mentally abusive and plays games so here he is one up on me this is how it goes with a narcissist my best friends at work are livid lost for words and my other three best friends that Ive been friends with for years are livid I too am on the brink of not going to this wedding and Im supposed to do her hair. It never gets easier. I would not throw away Thanksgiving with my family because my ex is there. Turning a blind eye means theyve taken a side. Or really like her and want to spend time with her or perhaps they feel they have to keep her sweet? My family even took family pictures with my kids and my ex and I wasnt in them. 8 Signs He Is NOT Over Her, How To Make Him Miss You Like Crazy After A Breakup 12 Simple Steps, He Says He Doesnt Want A Relationship? How family can be so insensitive and how they can befriend someone who hurt their sister/daughter so much is beyond me. Then i am the bad guy. I want to say this. He is enjoying creating these problems for you. Family is about having each others back and no betrayal. Its not a matter of right and wrong Its what YOU feel comfortable with. His loss, for sure. Oh i am sorry about that it is heartbreaking. Am I wrong for wanting this relationship to stop? Created a new life with friends. I would tell my sister about the emotional abuse I was going through with him and she would change subjects. Until you start to put the pieces together and confronting them and they start behaving threateningly such as tampering with your car, locking you out of your home, emptying bank accounts, making threats, stalking etc etc. Shes right, everyone else is wrong. Can you really still love people that treat you so badly and is the everyday pain really preferable to the fear you feel of letting go? Perhaps some can, and good for them, but lets get real people! If you didnt have children, then thats different. We have a large family. She is the one devastated, she is the one soul searching and self questioning and open to advice, she is the one who has made an effort with her sisters etc despite their seemingly unnaturally overlavish attention towards her ex. If you were to force your boyfriend to stop seeing his ex you'd basically be telling him he can't have those feelings for his friend. Sounds like it to me. The next day my husband came home, treated my head and heart and treats me gently, respectfully, and lovingly. The sons Mom keeps asking to go to the events, and they wont tell her no. While most of the posts here involve a male abuser and a female victim, that is not always the case. My boyfriend is going through a divorce with an ex wife who is out of state. They were ho,ding you back from growing and succeeding. She calls her more than she calls him. I now see that during the 17 years of marriage my husband planted little seeds of poison about me. There was nothing wrong with that He was their family too. 5. I totally feel your pain. My situation requires cutting ties I cannot express the hurt that this caused me. Her mother helped her along in her disowning me of course. There was no support or concern. My ex lives in her rent house. If I had have been there at least I could have provided concrete proof for at least some of his lies that they chose to believe over their own daughter/sister. I could care less about my abusive ex (we had no kids together, thank God). And he did spell on her so that she will never have nothing to do with me and my kids for that, my kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle without mother care for them, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then I went on-line there I saw so many good talk about this marriage reunion spell caster. I wouldnt do it to my loved ones. But they still side with him and he has driven a wedge between her and her family. My kids are actively involved in sports year round and Ive always been nothing but cordial at sporting events with my ex because of my kids! She is extremely touchy and not fun to be with, though a good mother and a considerate person. They decided I was the problem and not only remained friends with my ex, they rejected me and actively supported him through a nasty court riddled divorce. Everyones able to grow emotionally. I agree. I agree that is your family and they should support you and respect your feelings. They manipulate , blame me for everything , tried to turn my 3 children against me but kids are smart and see right through it .As well as my counselor I see for the many many years of emotional , physical ,sexual and mental abuse . Meanwhile he had spent years running me down and pretending he was a victim. I am a very private person. It drives me crazy. Go do the right thing and make peace with yourself and start treating him as other parent raising the childreN give him more visiting time than ever other weekend crap.. that she would succumb to dear old dad wanting a new life. My mother has outlived my father so everything was left to her, but my ex being named in that will was a complete slap in my face. You being close and sharing his family members for important family outings and exclude him. Me and his Great Grandmother used to go see him and play. He might slouch or be unkempt, only to suddenly straighten up and fix his clothes and hair when he notices you're near. She actually tried to kill me when I was 3 and she was 5. Im married with a man that divorced, his ex is so close to him and also his parents. My mom got the girls and brought them to my house and our couples weekend pretty much was ruined. One year after I have chose to be single and removed from family. If they cant get on board, its time for you to take that free time and find someone of your own and a new tribe of people who will value you. Especially when I found out my ex bought one of them a house!! You left the marriage you are wanting your family to choose sides he didnt ask for any of it you made those choices just because it seems like he has moved on with his life and found happiness again and you are living in the past doesnt mean he is doing anything wrong. You need to have the support from your family that you made the right decision to be divorced. Im sorry I call it SHITY SUPPORT!! Please let me share a couple of things with you. Oh well. I know exactly how you feel. I feel this is all ridiculous, if my sisters where in the same boat, I would side with them. If you don't, and you see his or her ex enjoying it with him or her, beware.". I told my nephew how I felt about him letting my ex and his g/ f come stay there. Any ex who deliberately manipulates their in laws and drives a wedge between the biological son/daughter and their family is evil and must get some kind of ego trip from it. I do believe your family should be putting you first and it just sounds like a bit much with the time they are spending with him. He abused me emotionally and physically. Remarried now for 4 years. Your ex sounds like a complete narcissist. He has custudy of his kids but eveytine he sees her he gets into his feelings and barelly talk to me just text me if im ik what do i do? What is X??? I am not divorcing her. Ever since they dated when she was a teen, I had a close relationship with him. She responded and told me that yes, he would be there. Enough is enough with your family inviting him for holidays. He shattered her life and the life of his two young children. You don't have to cut an ex's family out entirely after a breakup. My ex-husband was mentally abusive to me, I finally divorced hi, and it makes me sick my family is still kind to him. Its very unsettling and sad but i have found any attempt to explain myself simply invites more denial/blame. Well, I can tell you from personal experience that it absolutely is. I dont get to see my little niece or nephew grow. My only crime was loving too much and seeing the best in people that wasnt there. You can take marriage vows in good faith but when you find out your husband deceived you and lied to you i would think that would be classed as evil. This truly hurts to cut ties with my mom and my only sister but I have to because they continue to hurt me with chosing a relationship with my ex husband. Do you have any idea how many divorces go wrong, where one parent or both are manipulating, jealous etc. Ill tell my bf. He took off walking. When you divorce you shouldnt still get the perks of your exs family. Everyone is allowing her to make the rules, so she does. . What hes doing is disrespectful. He didnt even see or contact our girls for am entire year. I never want to see my sister again, thats not family, (same situation, also a tid bit different.) But unfortunately, as long as the kids are around, then your ex-husband and his girlfriend will continue to come around and spend time with your extended family. They were extremely close and in each other's lives for a long time. 18 people killed - including two children and government officials - after helicopter crashes close to nursery and residential building near Kyiv, Supermarket basics soar by a whopping 30% as shoppers feel the squeeze - see which items rose in price the most, Detectives searching for missing four-year-old make grim discovery of child's body, Man told 'you sound like you're feeling a bit sorry for yourself' by NHS 111 before dying, Gary Lineker breaks silence over "funny" BBC porn prank that stunned viewers, 'IDIOTIC!' I totally agree with you! He didnt he went over to his ex house and told me I pushed him in to do it. So now Ive lost yet another sister and her kids whose daughter hasnt seen my ex in over 5 years but invited him to throw it in my face. You need to sit down with your sisters and mom and spell it out for them. You should sit them down as a group, with a mediator so they cant just start making excuses as to how alienating you from your own family could ever be okay. They did not care if I was there or not. How disrespectful and unloyal of you to do this to your sister!! Her family should take her feelings into account. I am not a prude and was not denying him, it is that he has some major problems. My ex was never liked by my family until we divorced & then he ingrained himself by constantly slandering me. I was truly hurt when my daughter told my ex in front of me that my niece really, really loves you. To add to that, they are all aware that he regularly visits the Philippines as a middle aged man doing what they do, so their acceptance of that is also indirectly endorsing his behaviour, which is upsetting to my daughters. Whats not normal is not inviting you to family occasions. Fear. As this narcissistic cheater enjoys He told me when I left he would get even and that I would be all alone. Sadly she has cancer but her behaviour over the last 5 months towards my Stepdad and myself reminded me so much of my ex etc that I found myself heading for a breakdown with my Stepdad along with me. Crazy to read thisIts quite refreshing though to see I am not the only one because its so toxic and we shouldnt have to feel this way.

Funciones De Un Clerk, Salaire D'un Maire En Cote D'ivoire, Noah Kishore Corfield, Vestal Classic Fireplace Insert, Willie Shoemaker Wife, Saga Boat Deadliest Catch,