I realize that I really dont know your reasons for not wanting to be sexual with me whether it hurts you, or theres something Im doing or not doing. Turns out childhood trauma caused me to have an attachment disorder which in turn caused subconscious intimacy anxiety which would then cause me to suffer from severe sexual dysfunctions which turned out to be unfixable. I work, cook, clean, fix I dont drink or do any drugs. // Replace PAGE_URL with your page's canonical URL variable This so frustrating at times. She would still complain of pain. s.setAttribute('data-timestamp', +new Date()); We have been married 10 years and he has never touched me in an intimate way, or never had sex or even tried. I dont mean to downgrade the pain someone feels with this, but there are levels to everything. Just need the fortitude to go. Oh stfu. No way! Here after all of this, what I am trying to say Stan, is if you feel as if your wife really and truly does not want to have anything to do with sex, maybe, as with my wife, her spirit has been broken and if that is the case, she very much needs your understanding more than ever before in your marriage. He (so far) said no. Why, in a relationship, is Sex so bloody important? Who cares whos got the problem enjoy not having sex! Took my wife to Paris, on our 25th wedding anniversary and rented the most romantic flat next to the Eiffel Tower. Yes, we are accused of such, and rightly so quite often; but, no, we are sentient, thinking human beings. If only you could want . But maybe if shes willing to try your weekly sex date again, she might find that once youve aroused her, the mood sails in. Except she doesnt like hugging or cuddling either. Affection (hold hands, rub shoulders, tap butt, arm around shoulder, hugs, kisses, winks, that special look, etc), compliments, please, thank you, inside jokes, cheerleader, cleaning, cooking, repairs, child rearing, activities together, exercise together, etc will go a long way to leading to sex again. We dont understand anything about foreplay or romance. Glenn, as a man to another man; its time to let that person go. One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. Sounds like you were already successful and that attracted her to you. If you didnt leave before the first kid arrived, you were in for a life sentence. Thank you for sharing! Isnt going to happen. At 20 years I did start having a partner on the side because I was very sexually frustrated and that partner within the same situation. By Joan Price So these women that men here are complaining about, it may just be the attraction towards the man is gone! Mike it could be only your fault if you are not touching her! But I do it, why? So to many they think Im faking it. Holding on and hoping we can work it out, for now Im giving him space. she tolerates oral sex only minimally due to some sensitivity she can never explain. To the men out there, moaning about their wives loosing interest, think about how you would feel after loosing your testicles. My wife never touches me anymore after weve had our child, Greg told us. Youve both gone so long without sex together and without understanding each other that it isnt an easy fix. bcb Sometimes, the answer to, My wife rejects me all the time and I dont know why, can be the simple fact that youre not taking care of yourself anymore. Doing that just causes me to be resentful of her, and the fact that Im now reduced to doing this nasty little juvenile thing for myself. After reading most of the above letters I have come to the conclusion that married couples, for the most part, have all entered into relationships, never having the correct training. While its true that marriage isnt for everyone, it certainly isnt worthless. Leave her, even if youre alone. there is NO physical connection PLUS no sex. So sorry to read this Pamela, Im in the same boat with my lovely wife, terribly depressing. I cant say all women are like this but the handful I have been with do not talk about what feels good to them or what they would like me to do and/or do differently. I look good for my age and am so tempted to look for another relationship. My wife of 35 years and I have always had difficulty sexually. Without this love, there isn't much for the relationship to stand on. I became completely numb to anything. So no, this was not the place to blow your horn. about this, nothing will change. I know we are very different people and and I am not trying to change her as much as letting her know the effects of being so distant and often dismissing my feelings yet I have to be totally responsive to her to keep her happy. 90% of my enjoyment of sex is seeing her turned on an having a rip roaring time. My 76 year old husband has not. Now the difficult part. Women want to be swept off their feet. Should I let him go elsewhere? I think he wanted to stay in his marriagemainly I think b/c his wife earns well (makes more money than him). I ask why she said it is just how it is. But at the same time love is kind and will not guilt trip. Wednesday, August 30, 2017 Honor us with attention and physical contact. When I say intimacy, I do not mean just intercourse. Ive tried all the normal things too. The vast majority are trained to be misandrists and far too many are grotesquely unethical. It makes me feel sick. Bob, my wife is the same way, says she feels bad she has zero interest in sex, but doesnt offer anything like oral or HJ either. Where is their allegiance to you? I completely recovered and had to start my own business to share in the household expenses. Shes sorry, but I love her and say its ok. This can lead to her becoming physically and emotionally distant in the marriage. Some doctors will prescribe testosterone and advise DHEA supplementation. I have been dedicated for 43 years but I also realize you need and one thing before you canOnto the other. Men you just need to treat her like you used to treat her before you married her every day and she will keep treating you like she did before you married her. Though she died quickly sex was never discussed and I can assure you my marriage was a bed of rock. I hope the partner didnt expect to share the celibacy. When they stop they stop. . He started blaming his medication but when I checked that out he moved on to another excuse. God as our designer and maker knows what is best for us. Wish I could off you more of a solution but I think things either go on the way they are or there has to be come conclusion. My opinion only, so, most likely only worthy in my estimation. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. Somehow I thought that would be my fix. Cheers Rl. He is selfish, lazy and quite frankly a self absorbed narcissist. And Im okay with that. It literally saved my marriage and maybe my life. My ex was 16 years younger then me. I own real estate property with my sister which provides some income. Ill keep this short, but I could write a short novel. I think it was a relief for him because he was not much into sex. Lets separate then.NO! I love my wife even if we have not had sex for close to 6 years. When I have a follow up, with a surgeon next month, even though it is not cancer, I will discuss wether or not I should give up the vaginal hormone. Even if he cant accept the divorce is coming!!! He has an expectation of honesty and communication, perhaps, but only if he is providing the same for you. We were both virgins when we married. It is time to say, I am horny as hell, and I am tired of pretending I am not because I am over 50!. Yes Is so agree..No turning back!But Its now time replace her where she doesnt want to be part of.After 40 years 4kids 16 grands 5great Though I miss her warmth her ther body so much!Even after cancer twice majors surgerys reconstructions she still my one n only !N last one tooTime for me replace her affairs only way fishing..hunting ..camping ..some still with her!Rest myself alone ..others with son n grandsons while I still can getting around n driving! After everything a woman does in one day compare to what most lazy men would say. You may be ok with the situation youve created.. thats one thing, but to act as though youre merely tolerating the situation as a martyr is pure BS. It is not fair that I have to take care of it by myself! My wife never initiates any form of Intimacy let alone Sex. I am fairly attractive and I. Marriage vows are till death do you part. Gopa explains how having a partner who has severe trust issues can also be the reason why theres no intimacy in marriage from the wife. Hello Hawkeye So, while some continue to coax and prod their spouses to get them in the mood, others resign to fate and either make peace with a sex-starved existence or look for gratification elsewhere. No doubt youre frustrated. Just had to compliment you on what you are doing for your husband, and I agree that sex makes you feel young again, and believe when you say that your whole body feels like youre in your 20s again. My husband and I both have gained weight. Maybe when she met you she saw a very rich lifestyle that has not panned out. I am 62 and my husband is 63. But I have stayed true to her for our entire marriage . But dont give up! He has performance anxiety. I love my wife dearly after 52 years and great grandchildren I would have my junk removed before I hurt my family and our long marriage is a point of great pride and example for these people God allowed us to have in our lives. Also, I have experienced ageism in the job market. Harley and Mike, I have a loving wife but her sex drive is down to ziltch. Being uncomfortable in their own skin and ashamed of the extra weight is a common reason why women start avoiding physical intimacy with their spouses. She even went from sleeping naked in bed to full pajamas and on the rare occsion she would have sex to me, remove only her panties like a robot. We are 64 years old and havent had sex for 3 1/2 years. I know that feeling of the Phone etc being more important. This is really excellent advice. Im in the same situation with my overweight, lazy, 48 year old wife. Research shows that sexual communication was strongly associated with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. so that leaves to so totally frustrated angry resentful and I hate to say it but it is beginning to I think turn to I hate her. My ex is 70; I am 63. we have been married about 22 years. It is a precursor and will stimulate the Adrenal glands to produce more testosterone. And LATINA. Married a little over 50 years! I love her more than anything in this world. I have rekindled a relationship that ended over fifty years ago with a woman I dated right before I met my wife. . Come to find out my wife was getting hers on the side. When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? And yeah I can pleasure myself, but that will never be like the real thing. Open a conversation with your wife about how she's feeling about you and the marriage, big picture, and go from there. I think that for me I need the human touch of a mature woman. I cannot hurt him. I understand. She told me years ago that weve had all the kids were going to have, whats the point?. The question is, will we accept that fact, those facts, and act upon them in honorable fashion.? If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. Take care. Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. If your wife wont have sex, it could be that she just doesnt feel close to you anymore, and the idea of being intimate makes her feel too vulnerable. "Feeling expected to have sex a certain way, or feeling like you need to have intercourse if you explore desire with your partner, can actually strangle a woman's libido over time.". Genuinely compliment your wife and make her feel sexy again. Doing some bootie grabbing or not being a standing up participant?!? Hi Monica, You ladies need to get hip on new Sex Play & Sex Toys, My wife of 1yr,(she is 73) ( Im 77) We were having sex every nite & 3 times on weekendsand it all came to a STOP about a month ago. Our sex life slowed, separated, and each found partners. Being in a sexless marriage is great, we havent had sex, intimacy togetherness for 40 years. After all of that, the thought of intimacy at night becomes almost like another chore, says Gopa. I NEED an active partner. Neither partner should have to feel obligated to satisfy the other out of some outmoded quasi religious relief or instruction, my wife is wonderful in many ways but now has reached, she believes, a stage[67] where she has no desire, except release masturbation , thats my misfortune but I try to understand. It was even suggested I try penile injections at bedtime so I can at least get hard for her pleasure. stop insultiing cats. Rob you are right on, God set this up with every male, as we get older the desire goes down but not away. That communication will be open and honest, and circumstances in lifegood or bad, should never break this mutual promise. Im at a loss for words. Between her legs the next time.4, stop watching porn if you know this makes her feel uncomfortable as we all know when men watch porn that will lead into you not being able to get it up for her because you have been watching photoshops porn and all you want is that fake lady so you go out and cheat on your wife then come home and accuse her of cheating and thats why she is not having sex with you. Nowadays due to the requirement of Adult Mens Sex Toys, different kind of online retailer store like Lovecubby available for a variety of high-quality sex toys for men & women that everyone can love. What to do about it: "You need to take the stress out of sex in three steps: Challenge your expectations, communicate effectively with your partner, and take the pressure off by using new physical experiences," Zimmerman advises. My wife and I have been a couple for 51 years (since 1971). My wife and I had a beautiful sex life until she started to have complex female problems that resulted in a partial histerectomy and even after the procedure she finds sex very painful. . We are just roommates. Now that you know that this could also be the reason why your wife avoids physical contact, you need to be her rock and convince her that you still think shes as beautiful as the day when you first met her. Im basically living a lie until the time is right for us to part ways. My husband and I separated recently. She said I was harassing her and that if I was so horny and needy, I should find someone else to relieve myself, but whatever, to stop harassing her. Who sacrifices? A subtle way of saying I will date outside the marriage. Here are some possible openings finesse one or more of these to fit your comfort and style: I strongly suggest that you see a sex therapist (find one in your location) or a sex-savvy counselor for guidance. I have the same situation you describe, almost to a T. The only thing thats worse is that my husband is sneakily still interested in porn and satisfying himself when Im not around. So the thing I hate hearing but rings true is once in the no sex zone you are not coming back in to it. I was faithful to my beautiful redhead for 27 yrs, and I never got tired of making love to her. I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. The sexual spark will return when she emerges out of it, stronger and healthier. Two years and counting, its got me climbing the walls! Foreplay doesnt start in the bedroom, foreplay is EVERY day regardless if sex is on the table or not. It is sad and hurtful and I felt she only did me favor to have sex with me.. We have 3 young kids so divorce is not an option and I had been sleeping in guest room for almost 6 months now.. I am 79 and my wife is 75 and our sex life is as good as ever. I get it and don't want to add to her stress. I desire foreplay and intimacy, not just intercourse. There is no excuse for boxing your partner in such a guilt ridden morally compromising prison. Risk cheating get a divorce or anything ??? . For many men, wooing and life after wooing are two vastly different realities. I dont even bother to talk to her (all she does is whine and complain). Fully. If not he should go on in it. Sigh I dont even want to see anyone else. Dont worry about having sex for a long time. And perhaps. Well a few years ago sex began to get less and less. Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit. Once youre accustomed to porn, youve trained your brain to need it. Cause it needs done. Married 23 years. Didnt mean to lump all this on You but your comment triggered something. No amount of counseling or therapy etc etc will change this. Here are some reasons that your wife might never initiate getting intimate with you in the bedroom. But just remember, mature willing women are unicorns. I was in a 22-year same sex relationship in which sex dried up after we had been together about 5 years. If its just drynesswhich is common as women ageas well as using lubricant youll also want to be sure that your wife is aroused, even before any genital touching. Empathy is about feeling her burdens and sitting with them instead of trying to solve them. If your wife has recently lost interest in sex, it might be tied to her feelings about her body these days. My Boyfriend Doesn't Seem Interested in Me Sexually Anymore: 11 Reasons He's Lost Interest 1. Does your wife struggle with self-love? only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. She wasnt as attractive or as fine a dresser, and my adolescent mind didnt see her as the choice for my good looks. 10 year sexless marriage. I was married for 24 years. Your stereotypes are both incorrect AND insulting. Jos!! But it isnt. Praying for these husbands. More men need to leave their wives when they wont have sex with them. Or should I just accept her celibacy and masturbate when I need release? That was 28 years ago. We have been convinced to settle and accept less. Yet we are burdened with the biologically and Darwinian drive to procreate. Just do it to make her feel good. For me and many others, this is a serious problem and we are, well, desperate for solutions. Is your husband on HRT as well? Women are very conscious about their bodies in general. All the way. He may still be impotent after surgery, no guarantees. I totally understand your story. There is simply no point in brushing the problem under the carpet. ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! Life is definitely funny. "As we age, the vaginal lining becomes thinner, less elastic, and produces less moisture. Thats great but what about the man? My husband spent hundreds of hours on his phone coming up with scenarios to cope with a diagnosis of peyronies that has impacted our ability to have sex, but has never once gone to you tube to figure out how to give me an orgasm! Having a regular marriage check-in can help you keep an eye on your relationship and ensure you are satisfied with how much time you spend together in the bedroom. She has rejected counseling and even criticizes my masterbation or porn. As a kid I grew up without Christmas or birthdays. But then she had a full hysterectomy to further reduce her hormone production, and from then on, sex has all but stopped. If your wife seems distant, take a step back to analyze where you may have gone wrong or why you feel like she cannot trust you again. But from a womans standpoint, we need emotional love BIG TIME before we can go there. With a lot of talk and communication, we have made peace with our sex life. If your wife never initiates affection, its time to take the pressure off. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. You need to know. Id say he has some other issues. We are both quite healthy but she has little interesting sex now. Her body, emotions, and mind were changing. There are many reasons. Or some reasons could be the female body experiencing pain, limitations, hormonal imbalances, etc. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. Reading some of the commentary I can identify with the concerns.I fantasize frequently about past relationships and what might have been but I only become sadder. Would you expect your wife to attach as much emotional significance to cooking dinner as to making love? 25 Romantic Things To Say To Your Husband, 12 Things To Do When Husband Is Not Affectionate Or Romantic, 7 Ways To Get The Romance Back After Having A Baby, 10 Best-Selling Relationship Books Couples Can Read Together, How To Make Up For Forgetting Your Anniversary 8 Ways To Do It. 60s, 70s. I am NEVER ENOUGH so why even bother? Now its Im sore there. So I cheat. I am 62 years old and a healthy man with sexual needs. I am in this marriage til death do us part but I feel like Im missing something very big in my life. I dont know if thats whats happening for her, and of course the only way to know is to ask her. She snores loudly and we have different bedrooms. So now a hug one a day (maybe) and pecks on lips when leaving house. Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. Not only may this put her off being intimate, but you may be setting yourself and your wife up for a stressful encounter. From that point on, Croatia, Greece Island, every best ski area out west. Look, I am an RN and living with a man who is 5 years older than me. Brilliant. When I was single it didnt bother me I just figured I was easily bored sexually. NO! Too much trouble. My wife did not give me your three choices, but they are still there. The difference is that men feel selfish and entitled, as if sex is only for their pleasure, something women do for them, hence the phrase put out. So, before you start saying things like, My wife never touches me anymore, and misunderstand the problem that youre actually facing, its vital that you try to focus more on why your wife never initiates physical contact. My son is in an open marriage (I know this because he and his wife talk about it openly) and it opened my eyes to the reality that it is unrealistic to expect one person to be able to satisfy all of your sexual needs. Weve been married almost 40 years and neither of us had any sex partners before we met. Im 65 and he is 74. 5. oh Pamela, I hear you! His needs count too. Be caring. Our marriage still isnt consummated, and this grieves me as I yearn to be loved in this way. I am at my wits end. I mean the guy has a woman more than willing to get playful and see what happens and he uses porn? Yeah, maybe not, eh . I tried internet sex and while interesting it is not enough. Like I have a total stranger as a house guest. That was then and she is gone now. . Two lovers need boundaries to choose their path. Be explicit about your needs and expectations. Perhaps your husband, as well as a few troglodytes posting here, are in need of some attitude adjustments, but you shouldnt paint all men with the same brush. Home Articles Marriage Sex 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. 2009 - 2023 MindBodyGreen LLC. Im pretty much in the same boat. Right. He decided hed have an affair. I still love my husband because our relationship doesnt revolve around sex and we can show each other love and affection in many other ways. I hear you bro. There is a limit to everything and this crosses that line. But I still love my wife dearly and have no desire to cheat on her. I am new to this. Its incredibly painful!!!! In a long-term relationship, the partner with the higher libidowhich is not always . Every study I have ever seen says its over twice as likely for the woman to be the one withholding. She is intelligent and knows exactly what is going on. Unfortunately a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and under went surgery that shut me don sexually (I couldnt even masturbate any more) This has killed all hope we had to try and have a sexually normal marriage. Couples counseling can help the two of you get back on track in your marriage and the bedroom. It seems a waste in the end. When hes not writing or advising people on how to thrive in their relationships, he loves exploring new places with his partner, working out, and pretending that hes good at cooking exotic stuff. this.page.url = PAGE_URL; I am 50 and she is 45 but she began having the same symptom that you described. Just as women receive and need emotional connection, men provide a different way of showing their connection to their woman. Well, you might offer to find one for them, then bud out. Ya over 40 years with out not a problem. He is ten years older. Ive tried vacations, dates, sex toys, lubricants, vitamins, blah blah blah..when a gal is not sexually attracted to you and is generally more than willing to never have sex again cuz (insert the reason I dont understand here) shes not going to change at 70. So, I guess Ill just embrace the suck. My other half dosent get it and keeps going on and on about it. Lets discuss some of the most frequently asked questions related to what to do if your wife never initiates intimacy. If you build sex up to be a giant deal, youre putting pressure on both you and your wife. Will: I was very disturbed to read your post. I appreciate the fact that my wife has stayed with. I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. Anyway, I was so turned on by this guy (in love too)that just seeing him or us simply hugging was a major Turn-On. Ask your wife about how she's feeling about the relationship, about you, and about your life together, and see how you can get your relationship back to a good place. I agree with Roger, I get more laughs, and more insight, from the comment section! I used to ride, but geez that gets old and is still a problem because of the size and lack of hardness. Shes my buddy. I think it is very selfish. Men are very simple to please. Your story is very very simular to mine. With my wife it was menopause. I only basically feel good enough to have pretty good days. When your husband keeps getting fired and he sits on the computer all day and rarely does anything around the house but bitches and complains about this or that and he puts you down and calls you names.

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